An Authentic second-hand Hampstead Treacle Dispenser - Only 50p! And comes with FREE Year 7 child attached to it* (*like security tag, cannot be removed, however hard you try)
A Shrinkable Jelly - cooked up by CaterLink, this item will give you seconds of entertainment! Watch as the jelly literally disappears in front of your eyes! 60p* (while stocks last and/or are still visible)
Gaffer Tape - Sick of schoolchildren saying what they think out loud? Tired of other peoples' opinions? This is the gift for you: simply attach a small piece to the problem's face and enjoy the sweet sound of silence! £1.00
10% Off Lobotomy (We literally take 10% off) - Sick of schoolchildren saying what they think out loud? Tired of other peoples' opinions? This is the gift for you: simply present this voucher at our clinic, and enjoy not having to think anymore!
Kevin the Pervy Aye-aye Kids' Doll - Now comes with touchy-feely features! Simply rub his belly to get him say nine different catchphrases including "Now then, now then" and "Tie my Kangaroo down, sport!" £6.66
Plus FREE Hampstead 50th Anniversary Mug - because there are not enough mugs in the world to buy these.
63% Off Vintage Hampstead 'Motivational' Banners - own your very own motivational poster, with assorted messages from 'A SHOOL THUT REDZ' to 'RELEASE YOUR POTENTIAL'