Friday, 22 May 2015

University? Nah, don't bother...

Before the Easter holiday, Year 12 were pulled into an assembly with the Head of Sixth Form and told that if they were on the list they had compiled, they would be dropping a subject that day. This was five weeks before the start of exam season.

They went on to read out the list of people dropping subjects in front of the rest of the year, and were then told to stay behind whilst the others could leave. They said that those students picked out would have to drop a subject, without any prior choice or parental consultation, and, if like some, you were on the list and were only taking three A-Levels already, you would have to reconsider your options (i.e 'you can kiss goodbye to going to university').

There are quite a few issues that we have with how the school has handled this situation. Whilst these students that were listed were failing at least one subject, and this needed to be addressed before they failed their actual exams, they firstly shouldn't have done this so close to exams (when in a lot of subjects a great deal of coursework had already been completed), and secondly shouldn't have done it so publicly. Naming and shaming underachievers in a time of stress and anxiety doesn't do well, especially amongst teenagers.

There is also the suddenness of it all. It seems very unfair to make a student choose on something that will affect the rest of their lives in a day, without prior warning, all without the consultation of the parents who, as this is Year 12, are still responsible for their child. Also, it is not the school's place to demand a student drop a subject, especially before exam time.

There is also a moral point to be made. It seems morally repugnant that, rather than taking the time to work with students in a difficult position and find a way to work around the problem in a more constructive and less forceful manner, the school would adopt this blanket cut-throat and frankly knee-jerk reaction (sound familiar?) to the prospect of another year of bad grades on their record, especially with an inspection on the horizon. Rather than safeguarding students' futures, it sounds like the school once again protecting their own arses.

Thursday, 21 May 2015


How much do the school care about student health? This photo was taken in part of the Ingrish Block, showing the remnants of the Soviet-era Hampstead of the 60's, as well as, perhaps, a possible overlooking in Health and Safety.

Whilst having an entire policy devoted to
uniform, the school has no published
policy on Health and Safety or the school
environment. Wonder why...

It's reassuring to know you are just one Year-7-sticking-a-pin-in-a-wall away from getting cancer. We assume that this will be removed in the renovation of the school in the coming year, however there are suspicions that the demolition of the New Block may lead to a giant cloud of pure cancer, which will be the cause of the entire nation contracting ebola-of-the-lungs. We'll see if Sky News are so quick to get cameras down here then...

DISCLAIMER: Any halfwit who thought that last sentence was genuine is wrong, and needs to be checked out.

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

New Building - The Facts

What with the plans for the New Building looking like an Ikea that has been taken over by German Nationalists (and, no, not that kind), we thought we would apprise our readers of some of the other facts that have arisen since the release of the plans.
  • The Front Cage is dead. Long live the Front Cage. Part of the New Building will be built atop half of the front cage. The other half, between the Science Block and the site, will be 'landscaped'. In the plans, there are mentions of possible grass and ganja farms ecology areas.
  • The Back Cage is dead. Long live the Back Cage. The astroturf will be levelled to make way for the sports hall, although this damning revelation is softened by the two half-size pitches being created. The back area will remain slopey (not in a Clarkson way) as they can't be arsed to landscape it properly, and probably ran out of money, so random hills will do.
  • The Hall will be considerably smaller. Whilst the atrium seems to be so large it has its own
    Ordinance Survey map, the Hall will be far smaller than the current one, allegedly fitting only one year group at a time. This will make examination difficult, and the bulk of exams are set to take place in the sports block being built at the back of the campus, which will disrupt P.E.
  • Where's the House gone? According to the plans, the temporary portacabins that have been affectionately named the I.E.U are to be removed, and the pastoral care block that also doubles as a bikeshed behind which teachers can smoke will be removed, begging the question as to where students with issues are going to go (presumably they will be told to keep it to themselves and never tell anyone until they have a breakdown).
  • There will be only one dining room. Yeah, they seem to be doing away with the current system that works of each year having a Year Room, and instead Years 8-11 will have to dine together at lunch.
  • There will be an outdoor space for Year 7. This outdoor space is billed as being exclusively for Year 7's and consists of a patch of grass where the Front Cage used to be, between the New Building and the Science Block. We're not entirely sure how they are going to enforce the Year-7-only rule, especially with the school's past record.
  • The length of the New Building. On the one side, the New Building is set to come just feet away from the DTI building, creating a possible point of congestion (like ur m0m) as well as another possible light block (see the last New Building article). On the other side, the New Building will come within feet of the perimeter fence, leading to a resident lodging a complaint about possible overshadowing which, since the plans have been approved, we can assume was delightfully ignored.
  • We can confirm both the Quad and the pond will be removed during the works. This is
    because the New Building will be a nat's chuff away from the Ingrish Block, and so there simply won't be enough space. This has lead (now former) UQIP leader Abdi Garage to protest: "Where are we to dunk our Year 7's for witchcraft? Where are we to watch stupid Year 8's think they can walk on ice?!" (For any idiots reading this, that last sentence was bollocks)

Monday, 11 May 2015

So Much for Democracy

You could almost see it coming, like a fist on a collision course with a Top Gear producer. Not only would the election for the "Hampstead School constituency" surmount to nothing, as it has and will, as the election leads to no appointment of public position within the school (see our last article on the subject), but the school isn't even capable of following through on their own squalid plan.

Whilst, since Thursday's vote was cast, there were nationally 46 million votes cast and counted, and within two days a government had been elected and formed (albeit a Tory one which includes SeƱor Gove in charge of the Criminal Justice System, and Nicky Morgan still Education Secretary), the school has not been able to collect, quantify and announce the results of 1,200 students. In fact, there is an estimated eight forms that still have not had their ballots collected and counted.

As we have said before, if the school are going to do something, do it properly, not in this constant half-arsed way, doing the minimum work needed to be able to say that they had done something to make them look good.

Despite this lack of actual results, early indications show that the prize - oh, wait, there is no prize - the winner would be the Labour or UKIP candidate.

Secondly, the school as a whole did nothing in relation to the actual election. No meet and greets with the local Party Parliamentary Candidates, which numerous other schools did (with tonnes of photos covered the local media, so I'd bet the Head is gutted). Indeed, the Trash had interviews with 4/5 of the major parties' candidates. The small blog nobody read until the Head gave us the perfect publicity stunt, is now educating the students in Politics better than the actual school. Lol.

Anyway, in relation to that point, we did this mock-up of an infamous front page of a newspaper run by our Murdoch News Corp overlords. Enjoy:
DISCLAIMER: It's not political bias, it's just banter