Monday, 30 January 2017

Teenager's 'Special Relationship' Actually Just Friendzone

Trash sources have confirmed that a teenager's "special relationship" is actually just the friendzone, as would be abundantly clear to anyone with rudimentary social skills.

It is obvious to everyone not inside the teenager's head that no, she doesn't "mean anything by that smile", and that she actually laughs at everyone's jokes "like that".

Sources not socially estranged from the girl yesterday reaffirmed their lingering suspicions about the stale Snapchat streak between the pair, after they took her phone while she was black-out drunk at the party, using an inordinate amount of emojis to communicate with the teenager (after having read through all 12,834 of the pair's messages, among other acts of sabotage too unsavoury to reproduce in print), who was later seen pacing about on the landing upsptairs with an even more pathetic and jittery gait.

Today's vague allusions to eventual explorations of the nth base which worked their way into every other conversation between the pair were especially awkward, after the teenager's even more transparent advances in light of "what she said" was met with an admission that she "didn't mean to send that", as well as a request that the he would "delet[sic] this" as soon as humanly possible.

During an extended interview with Susan behind the bikesheds, confronted by a series of largely contrived yet still potentially detrimental allegations, the girl purposefully put little care into remarking that she only talked to him because he seemed like such a loner. However, fearing that her 3 years of weekly drama classes might have failed her, the girl is said to have quickly added "he's really gross", before requesting a drag of Susan's cigarette, which sent her into a coughing fit, leaving her eyes too watery for further questioning.

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